So John had that fun and insightful article on what the lineup would look like if baseball movies had a batting order, and Hayston had a great interview with an aspiring NFL tight end. I feel like the bar has been set high for my first real post. I had one on May 26th about why we're doing all of this nonsense, but this is the real deal. So buckle up. I've been working on this article sporadically for about two weeks now. I might also preface this article by saying I am not a professional writer. I am a pretty good writer, but until I get paid to do this, I'm not going to work very hard to make my writing formal. Formal writing is boring anyway.
So now I'll get into it, and you may wonder what the heck my title means. Well first let me explain what a kill switch is by telling you a personal story, then we'll get to the list.
Okay so personal story time, here we go. It was summer of 2017 and I'm with my family in Branson, Missouri, home to some of the finest putt putt golf courses in the country (I'd assume). Now I must admit, I am ultra competitive, and putt putt brings out the absolute worst in me. So fast forward to hole 18, I find myself tied for the lead, pitted against my father.
Let me explain something about the relationship my father and I have: we love each other, but we also have an unspoken rivalry. He may not admit to it, but we enjoy beating each other in competitions (side note - this is why we are very successful as teammates in cut-throat family card games). So since we're competitive and we're to the point in the circle of life where activities that require physical prowess are no longer a fair fight, putt putt in Branson is our Super Bowl.
So back to the story. It's hole 18, he and I are tied for the lead, and no one else is in contention. It's either going to be me or him on top. The tension between us is so thick you can hardly breathe. Neither one of us are going to say a word about it, but we both know what's on the line here. Now this is where the kill switch mentality comes in. As I line up to take my first putt, all feelings of warmness and joy and empathy and rationality exit my body, and my only desire in life is to send my own father's soul to putt putt purgatory, then Allen Iverson step over his lifeless body.
That folks, is the kill switch I'm referring to. The switch you flip in your brain (usually in a clutch scenario) that gives your opponent no chance of winning. Not only do they have no chance of winning, but after you do whatever you are about to do to them, you hope they never recover from the psychological damage you inflict. So there have been many athletes with great kill switches throughout history, it's time we look at the best ones. Oh and by the way, I lost the hole and thus the match. I have not recovered. My father was a cold blooded viper on that putt putt course.
Now that you understand the kill switch, it's important for you to know what measurements I'm taking into account when it comes to ranking their kill switches. The most important measurement is how clutch they were/are. Within this measurement is number of iconic clutch moments, how they performed when put in clutch scenarios, and the overall cold-bloodedness of their clutchness (just for future reference, the combination of cold-blooded and clutch is referred to as 'down south clutch'). And while clutch is the most important trait in a great kill switch, some other important factors include the player's mentality, ferocity, reputation, and the overall darkness in their heart.
One last little note to add before we get started: Not all sports were created equal when it comes to kill switches. The more intense and individualized the game is, the more likely there is to be a great kill switch. As a result, basketball is the most likely to have all time great kill switches, followed by football and baseball, in that order. Individual sports such as golf and tennis aren't likely because they aren't super intense. I left out hockey and soccer because I don't know anything about them, and I also left out any fighting (boxing, UFC, etc.) because anyone who is successful in those sports has a kill switch by default. Let's get started.
Honorable Mentions
Sandy Koufax - This guy was just filthy. A career ERA of 2.76 and almost 2400 strikeouts in just 12 seasons. From 1962 to his final season in '66 he absolutely dominated everything in his path, with three of those seasons resulting in sub .200 ERA performances as well as three Cy Youngs, and two WS MVPs. Led the Dodgers to two World Series titles and a third appearance despite some sub-par bats to support him.
Jack Nicklaus - The Golden Bear himself came up huge on the biggest stages in golf on many occasions. Holds the record for major championships at 18, and is the most accomplished pro golfer in history. Only reason he isn't higher on this list: he just seems like too nice of a guy. But I commend that nonetheless.
Bob Gibson - Another dominant pitcher during the 1960s, and one of the most fierce competitors baseball has ever seen. In 1968 he brought the Majors to its knees when he posted 22 wins, A 1.12 ERA COME ON, and scooped the Cy Young and MVP awards that season. Made grown men look like children with that filthy slider.
Terry Bradshaw - Let me throw out some career numbers from Terry Bradshaw for you: 166.6 ypg, 212 TDs, 210 INTs, 51.9 Comp%. If you aren't very familiar with football let me help you out, those are not good numbers. Even for the generation he played in, those numbers are actually pretty bad. But here's the thing, he had a great defense to get him to the Super Bowl four times, and all four times he was great. 4-0 Super Bowl record including two Super Bowl MVPs. The man was clutch. He also did a nude scene in Failure to Launch, for what that's worth.
Reggie Miller - Let me make one thing clear, I REALLY wanted to put Reggie in the top 10 cause I love him, but I just couldn't. He checks out as an all time great in iconic clutch moments, as well as mentality. And while I hesitate to use rings as a measuring stick for players, he and his Pacers failed to take advantage of the Jordan-less window of the NBA in '94 and '95. Still, eight points in nine seconds... unreal.
10. Ronnie Lott
Let me tell you a story about Ronnie Lott, which, if you have heard of him before, you have probably heard this story.
In a game against the Bengals in 1985, Lott had his pinky finger smashed to smithereens. During the off season, Lott was going to have to go through reconstructive surgery and it looked likely he would not be able to play at the start of the 1986 season. So Lott decides to have part of his pinky amputated so he could play. He then proceeded to pick off 10 passed that year. I know people who won't go to their office job just because of a headache from too many dollar margs the night before. The guy was a wild man on the gridiron, insanely tough, and was a major reason why the Niners went on their tremendous run during the 80s and early 90s.
9. Reggie Jackson
I vaguely remember watching some series on HBO or something like 12 years ago about the Bronx Bombers era Yankees with my dad and brother, and Reggie Jackson was the focal point. There's really only two things I took away from that series that I still carry with me: 1) How did he play in those glasses? Like that seems wildly inconvenient. 2) Reggie Jackson was the baddest man to ever play the game of baseball. Even today I still don't think I want to retract that statement.
Let me tell you some things about his kill switch. He earned the nickname, "Mr. October," because he always came up huge in the postseason. His greatest moment; in Game 6 of the 1977 World Series he hit three bombs on three consecutive at bats to close out the series. Similarly, in 1973 he blasted a huge home run in Game 7 of the World Series to elevate the A's to the title. Simply one of the greatest clutch performers to ever play baseball.
8. Kobe Bryant
You may be thinking, seriously?! Mamba at 8?!! (It's actually kind of fitting I suppose). Well I struggled with this too, don't get me wrong. I mean this is coming from the guy who whispers, "come on, mamba mentality," to himself whenever he is power walking to a class or trying to get the dishes done in a timely manner. Kobe is among the all time greats when it comes to mentality, ferocity, and heartlessness, not to mention his impressive repertoire of clutch moments.
Here's why Kobe isn't higher: that repertoire of clutch moments were really fairly insignificant. Perhaps my memory and research fails me, but Mamba never had any huge shots in major playoff games. The one exception is when he hit shots at the buzzer to force overtime, then one to win to put the seven seed Lakers up 3-1 over the two seed Suns in the '06 playoffs (the Suns ended up winning the series). I don't know, this was tough. 8 doesn't feel right for Kobe but I couldn't jump him over anyone else on the list.
7. Serena Williams
I'll make a controversial statement that I really think anyone would have a hard time arguing with: Since 2000, no athlete has dominated their sport more than Serena Williams has. Not even LeBron or Tom Brady. Since 2002 she's racked up 22 slams, and been ranked number one in the world for an extensive amount of time since then.
Really the only time she hasn't been dominating the women's tennis scene has been when she's stepped away from the game to have and raise children, which I commend. I have no doubt that before too long when she's healthy, she'll make everyone pay for having the audacity to continue playing in her absence. Side note, I'm pretty sure she could beat up every man or woman that I know. Look at her bicep. It's simply incredible.
6. LeBron James
I didn't know what the heck to do with LeBron on this list. There are so many things about him that conflict when it comes to the greatness of his kill switch. From just a playing perspective, there were moments in the first half of his career where he was not great in big moments. There were even times where I thought he was just soft on the biggest stages. Also, come on, just guard KD in the Finals. So because of that I originally had him at 9 on this list.
But also the Cavs beat the Celtics to go to LeBron's EIGHTH CONSECUTIVE FINALS!!?! And as the trend has been going the last several years, he was absolutely outstanding in the fourth quarter. This year has been the best of his career, and he just continues to get better, both down the stretch and just as a player in general. It was clear that he wouldn't be denied, and he went about it the only way he could. He saved his energy when he needed to, and dominated the game when it was crucial. And now a back court of George Hill and J.R. Smith has played in the NBA Finals. Terrific.
I could go on and on, but another big factor here is that I don't think it all matters that much to him. I know that sounds crazy, but I really don't think that LeBron cares as much about his basketball legacy as the rest of us do. Some people would fault him for that, but I commend it. I think at this point in his life and career he's more concerned about being a father and husband and philanthropist. And I think all of that is great. But because of the lack of darkness in his heart, I can't rank his kill switch higher.
5. Larry Bird
Larry Bird was just a hick from the sticks who was designed to get buckets and crush souls. I could go on about his game, but I think it's important for Bird we take a look at how ruthless he was. One thing about his career is that he was one of the first great trash talkers. He trash talked everyone. Players, coaches, teammates, fans, I bet he even trash talked his own mother on a regular basis.
My favorite 'Larry Bird Being Ruthless' story actually deals with him and a teammate. So one night Bird's long time teammate Kevin McHale scored 56 points in a game, breaking the franchise record, and then checked himself out of a blowout game in the fourth quarter. Well Bird was quite upset that McHale did not score 60, and he made it very clear that if it would have been him, he would have stayed in the game and gone for the 60. Well like a week later Bird goes out against the Hawks and what does he do? Scores 60... with his last bucket being on a buzzer beater in a game they won by double-digits. His single game scoring record still stands in Boston, by the way.
Larry has had a plethora of insanely huge clutch moments. He won three titles, and his competitive drive is extremely important to how the NBA developed. He brought the competitive edge and fire to the greatest player vs. player rivalry in the history of basketball with Magic Johnson (while Magic was the fun, flashy, showtime guy). These two revolutionized the NBA in the '80s and set the tone for the league as we know it. Larry Bird was a bad man.
4. Mariano Rivera
I think sports fans tend to greatly under appreciate the closer in baseball. Literally their entire job depends on whether or not they can be clutch or not. When you get down to it, that is what will separate the closers from ones that have jobs to ones that do not. And as a closer, you are asked to go out and be clutch almost every single game you play in. And that's exactly what Mariano Rivera did, 652 times to be exact. That's how many saves he recorded in his career, which is the most all time. For all the debates you can make when it comes to baseball players, it's fairly unanimous that Rivera is the greatest closer of all time.
He was a 13 time all star, five time champion, five time reliever of the year... the list goes on. Anyone with the nickname "Sandman" has to be a cold blooded killer. Which he is, but still seems like a moderately nice guy. Along with Jeter, he's the only Yankee I've actually liked in my lifetime, for what it's worth.
3. Bill Russell
Meet Bill. Bill is the winningest player in the history of American pro sports. In fact Bill Russell won so many rings he had to start putting two rings on some fingers. I think it is a difficult thing for us to see past the accomplishments and statistics when we're looking back at a player who played so long ago. To put this in a modern perspective; fifty years from now, most folks won't look back at Steph Curry and admire his heart and his joy for playing, two things which makes him so loved (and feared) today. Similarly, we don't really see how much of a competitor Bill Russell was.
I mentioned earlier that Magic and Bird was the greatest player rivalry in NBA history. Well Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain are number two on that list, both in terms of importance to the game and fierceness. (I really don't think there is much debating the top two spots on this list, it gets murky at #3. Maybe someone should write a story on that sometime.) When you really get down to it, Wilt Chamberlain had some physical advantages over Bill Russell. Yet Russell was the dominant one of the rivalry, winning those aforementioned eleven titles in his thirteen year career, and defeating Wilt's team in the conference finals five out of six tries.
I think it is also important to note that while Bill and Wilt were great competitiors, they were also great friends. Until once Wilt got hurt and didn't play the rest of the series against the Celtics. Russell took exception to this, called him soft to the media, and then did not talk to him for twenty-some years. I'm pretty sure they made up though. Bill Russell is truly the NBA's OG, and one of the fiercest competitors and best winners to ever grace the hardwood.
2. Joe Montana
Joe Montana has that "secretly set fire to your house then come console you while you watch it burn to the ground" kill switch. Like the scenario is that Joe Montana is your neighbor, and you do something super minor to offend him, or try to make your lawn look nicer than his, and to retaliate he sets your house ablaze in the middle of the night. Then after you and your family make it out, you're watching the house burn, trying to hold back tears. Then out of nowhere Joe comes strolling up, eating a hot pocket, and says like, "oh no, that's awful, I'm so sorry for you guys. Let me know if there is anything Jennifer and I can do for you." That is exactly what Joe Montana did to people on the football field during his career.
Joe Cool won four rings in as many tries, and was always outstanding on the big stage. He had one of the all-time great clutch moments in NFL history when he drove the Niners 85 yards in two and half minutes to score the go ahead touchdown with just a few ticks left to win Super Bowl XXIII. He had another clutch moment when he threw a touchdown pass over Ed "Too Tall" Jones to Dwight Clark to take the lead with under a minute left in the 1981 NFC Championship Game. He was a dominant force throughout the 1980s and did it without saying a whole lot. He is the most clutch NFL player of all time (Tom Brady dropped out of contention when he played not-so-great in this past year's Super Bowl, also I hate him).
Moral of the story, don't move into Joe Montana's neighborhood because he'll burn your house to the ground.
1. Michael Jordan
When Michael Jordan was not given a varsity suit for his high school basketball team as a sophomore, he made a vow to God or the devil or the universe or something to destroy everything in his path from then on. He proceeded to put up 40 points in JV games on a regular basis, then he left Earth and trained on Jupiter, (where the gravity is 2.24 times stronger than on earth) then returned and set out to destroy everything in his path for the rest of his basketball career. That is precisely what he did. The bloodthirstiness of His Airness was unbridled and on display throughout his entire NBA career.
I could throw Jordan stats at you all day, but let's simplify things: they're straight up bonkers. Obviously the defining number of his career is the six championships in as many tries, but my gosh Jordan is so much more than that. His game is about as complete as they come. Let's not make this a 'Who's the Goat' debate (gag me), but real talk: there has never been, and likely never will be a more competitive NBA player, or perhaps athlete, than Michael Jordan.
I mean for crying out loud the man got bored of winning in basketball so he went and played baseball. Then he was like, "Are you kidding me?!?! The NBA went on without me? How dare they! Also I suck at baseball," and he returned to repeat the three-peat and complete one of the top 5 dynasties in American sport (also a great article idea).
Jordan was down south clutch if there ever was such a thing. When you think about clutch moments in basketball, he is the poster child. He always gave out-of-this-world performances when he reached the Finals. His average statline for his six Finals appearances looks something like this: 34-6-6 on 48% shooting. This includes an NBA Finals record 41 ppg in the '93 Finals against the Suns. In summary, MJ was downright filthy, and collected the souls of his opponents for fifteen years in the NBA.
So there you have it folks. Those are the greatest kill switches of all time in my opinion. There are certainly others not mentioned who can have compelling cases made for them. Please leave a comment on the site or social media if you feel compelled to do so. Thanks for reading. Now go get some buckets.